News
After Relationship Between Parent And Child Irreparably Broken, Math Homework Is Done
2+ hour, 9+ min ago (238+ words) ROCHESTER, MN " The relationship between Dave Fromm and his daughter Lucille may have been irreparably annihilated, but at least the math homework is finally finished, say sources close to the situation. According to Jennifer Fromm, her husband and child just…...
Researchers Confirm That During Childbirth, Women Feel Almost The Same Amount Of Pain A Man Feels When He’s Stuck Walking Behind A Slow Person | Babylon Bee
3+ day, 3+ hour ago (273+ words) U.S. " A study conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) appeared to demonstrate that women experiencing childbirth feel almost the same amount of pain a man feels when he's stuck walking behind a really slow people. "Maybe now my wife…...
Dad Fervently Prays For Daughter To Have Case Of Moderate Acne From Ages 14-23
1+ week, 2+ day ago (226+ words) ARVADA, CO " Local dad Craig Smith has spent the past year fervently praying that his daughter Claire will get a decent case of acne from age 14 until about 23. Dad Fervently Prays For Daughter To Have Case Of Moderate Acne From…...
Toddler Rushes To Save Mom From Having To Use Bathroom Alone
1+ week, 5+ day ago (175+ words) BOULDER, CO " Local two-year-old Kaetlyn Massie graciously sprinted across the house in an effort to save her mother from using the bathroom alone. Despite being across the house, Massie suddenly sensed that her mother was in imminent danger of being…...
Nation Starting To Wonder If People Who Spend Life Singing Songs To Toddlers On YouTube Might Not Be All There Mentally
1+ week, 6+ day ago (190+ words) U.S. " Amid social and political tensions reaching new highs with violent clashes between government law enforcement and protesters, the nation revealed it had started to wonder if people who spend their lives singing songs to toddlers on YouTube might not be…...
RED ALERT: Your Toddler Can Now Reach The Counter
1+ mon, 1+ hour ago (158+ words) RED ALERT! Everything you once believed is a lie. Your toddler is now capable of reaching your counters, and nothing in your home is safe anymore. "Who needs to baby-proof? Babies can't even move," you once said. How naive you…...
Teenager Confused How Parents Still Don't Know Everything When It Only Took Him 16 Years
1+ mon, 1+ day ago (217+ words) SALT LAKE CITY, UT " Local teen Ethan Gardener expressed confusion this week over how he had managed to learn everything in only 16 years, while his much-older parents still hadn't figured everything out. Gardener expressed dismay after his mother asked him…...
Parenting Tip: Limit Your Child To Just 4 Hours Of Brain Rot Slop Each Day
1+ mon, 3+ day ago (201+ words) U.S. " Experts are now recommending parents limit their children to just four hours of brain-rotting slop each day to better prepare them for the future. Pediatricians are encouraging parents to limit the time their kids spend staring blankly at putrid, worthless…...
South Pole Elves Making Cheap Knockoff Toys For Half The Price
1+ mon, 3+ week ago (152+ words) ANTARCTICA " Santa Claus' Workshop may be in trouble after it was revealed that elves located at the South Pole have been making cheap knock-off toys for Christmas at half the price. Sources confirmed that South Pole elves have been manufacturing…...
12 Fun Activities That Are Less Likely To Destroy Your Family Than 'Monopoly"
1+ mon, 4+ week ago (370+ words) Brought to you by: The Great Commission Strategic Card Game Countless families have been destroyed by games of Monopoly gone awry. Don't let that happen to you. As a public service, The Babylon Bee has come up with the following…...